sometimes you've gotta force a smile :)

What do you do when you feel totally and completely and horribly taken advantage of? Listen to music, perhaps a little to loud (with head phones), until you temporarily forget the feeling. Then you get used to it, and just let it happen. Thinking to yourself, one day all this will be behind you and people wont take advantage of you anymore. Manipulation bugs me. The worst part is, manipulative people tend to think they're so good at manipulating that you don't even notice they're playing you like a blind pawn. In reality, you know exactly what's going on but you don't want to sink to their level. You're too shy or nice, I don't know. It's just that something inside you is so afraid of manipulating/taking advantage of other people and it's like you can't help it. That's just how you are. And does that mean you're always going to be the underdog? I don't know. But I think so. I'd like to believe that someday, someone really honest and fair will treat you/pay you/help you/value you for what you're really worth. Everyone can't be so selfish (do they call it cunning? Clever? Smart? Entrepreneurship?) that they'll get you for the cheapest deal possible. Or get from you everything they can. But then, I guess maybe the truly nice people are the underdogs and the manipulative "clever" people are at the top of the line. At least in this world. I always thought I'd grow out of it. "Oh for now, people can take advantage of me, because I'm just a child." "Oh, this is my first job, so it's okay if they pay me a little to little." "We'll only be friends for a little while, so why not let them use me?" I love helping people. Really sincerely. I'll do everything I can to make the world a better place for everyone around me. I can't help it. I was just born that way. Trying to change that would be the hardest (and worst) thing for me to do. But sometimes I just want to cry. I'm not naive, I'm not easily tricked. I just want to help people. And yes, I know when people are taking advantage of me. It makes me want to cry. It makes me feel like I'm worthless. But I let them, and I'm afraid I always will. Not because I can't say no, but I can't. I'm blessed with so many great blessings, and I have embedded in me an eternal perspective, so how dare I ever not help someone. I just hope and pray this doesn't mean I'll always be the underdog. Someday we'll treat each other honesty. Maybe if I put up with all the manipulative people cheerfully here and keep doing my best to serve, I wont ever have to put up with them later. Later. And Happy Monday!

My New Job

So... I have a new job! Hooray! Still at Day's Market, because I really sincerely love that place. A lot of my good friends work there and it's right across the street from my house. Seriously, the commute is so great and the coworkers are even better! :) Anyway... my new job: I'm the freight/backroom manager! Cool huh? Finally a management position. This is going to be great on a resume (and as my Dad put it, "now you'll have a reason to actually make a resume.") I've only worked one day as the official manager. I still get to check this Friday/Saturday and next, and then it's strait freight. The hours are going to be fun if I can work it right. 4:30-11:30 or 5:00-12:00. That means an early bedtime; and with that, the capacity to be much more productive with my time. I could get a second job, take evening classes... or whatever. I'm going to take it easy for a couple months and just work full time, and then we'll see about a second job/school or whatever. I really like the work, and the guys on the crew are so great! It's really nice to finally have only two people who are "above" me, the two store managers. Craig (one of the managers) pulled me aside and said look, you're now on equal grounds with (the other department managers) so no more letting them boss you around and give you jobs. You're in charge now." Such a good feeling! (See, promotions are possible. You just have to stick around for a long time and put up with being under paid and over worked and then it'll pay off eventually. Yay!) Have a SUPER WONDERFUL FRIDAY!!! (Not really a sign that I have too much time on my hands, but rather that I am partial to the song I'm listening too. I don't want to leave the computer and therefore my music. :) )

Create. Watch and Do!

Hello friends! Do you remember the Relief Society Broadcast when President Uchtdorf talked about being creative? Watch this video produced by the Church. It's well worth your time (1 min 40 sec.) Create (Windows Media Player) or got to the Relief Society Home Page to download it there. Amazing, huh? Have a most wonderful Wednesday! Thanks all of you for being so great.

Thanks Chels!

Guess what I got to do Saturday night? Go to a VOCAL POINT concert! Yay! I love those guys. Thank you so much Chelsie!!! Have a Very Happy Monday!

Gratitude

Just a few og the things I am grateful for: Also, lunch breaks, from which I must now return. And so, Happy Thursday!!!

Shocker, huh?

So...guess what? You might want to make sure your sitting down...and breathing deeply. Want to know what I did?..... I discontinued from school. Shocker, huh? It just seemed/seems like the right thing for me to do right now. I should be saving money instead of accumulating debt for the next couple years. And so, that is the plan. I've felt really good about it the whole time. The only hard part is my mom's really disappointed or something. But I'm sure she's trying to be supportive. I guess she didn't see it coming. I'm sure you're about ready to pass out now. You could try drinking some cold water. Surprise! And Happy Wednesday! And Happy WARM weather!!! Oh yeah, I almost forgot...I have to mention this. I went skiing for the first time on Monday. It was a blast! I love skiing!!! (and will probably never be able to afford it again, but it was well worth it. Thanks again for taking me!)

Growing Up

Wow. Can you believe it? I'm 20. Yesterday was my birthday (and what a lovely one, too.) I'm surprised to find that I am pleased. Yesterday, people asked how it felt to be 20. I told them it hadn't sunk in yet, but that I didn't think I would like it. 20 seemed like such a kind of scary age to be. Today, I've thoroughly enjoyed the feeling. There's some sort of accomplishment knowing that I've made it through the teenage years. I'm surprised at the peace it brings. It simply feels really good, like I'm supposed to be 20, (which is nice because I am supposed to be since I was born 20 years ago, huh.) :0) =) ; D I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday! Thanks for being so nice.